Thursday, March 24, 2011

Memory Lane

I wrote this June 19, 2008


As most of you know.  I am baby crazy….LOL  But the good news is, not too much longer before we start to make a baby!!!!!!!!!  What a wonderful feeling for me.  The anticipation kinda stinks, but I will live.  So, with that.  This morning, while driving to work I started thinking about the day I gave birth to Brooke on June 30, 2000.  I got all teary eyed, so I had to stop, since I was driving.

Labor Day ~:)

My work (Lowe’s) made me stop working on June 27.  So, I was kinda enjoying my time off.  But getting bored as well.  I woke early as usual, around 6am.  People were calling me all the time to see if I had “popped”  I knew when I woke up on the 30th that it was the day.  It is very strange how you can just know these things.  I totally went into a “nesting” faze.  I cleaned the whole house and showered.  I then woke my boyfriend at the time and father up.  And it went a little something like this, “Hey, you need to get up and take a shower, today is the day and I need to take care of a few things before we go.”  He had to take it all in for a moment and then he flew out of bed…..HA HA

So, he showered and then we went to our work to get our paycheck and to inform work that he would not be in.  Now, I had been having small contractions every minute in a half since about 9am and it was around 10:30am at this point.  We had a small issue with his immediate supervisor.  So, we just went to the store manager and he of course said it was fine.

Now being that it was the end of the month, you know what that means….RENT.  So, off to my bank to cash my work check.  While waiting in line my contractions stayed still a minute and a half apart but they were starting to get more and more painful.  By the time I was at the bank teller I was using my breathing techniques.  The teller was a young male and I really think he was afraid I was going to give birth right then and there.  I asked him to cash my check and went on my way.  Mind you I had the whole bank staring at me all wondering the same thing…..Am I going to deliver this baby here.

Now, after my bank, I needed to put rent money into my roommate and one of my closest friend, Bonnie’s account.  So, off to her bank we went.  This time I sent my boyfriend in to deposit the rent money.  I was having difficulties moving at this point.  All I could think off is where is my 5 minutes in between contractions…..LOL

So, as my boyfriend was in the bank I started to realize I had not eaten.  I know what you all are thinking.  On the way home I tell my man I want some food, so Del Taco here we come.  By the time we got there I was only in the mood for a Sprite.  And then we went back to my house.  Where my boyfirend started keeping track of the contractions and called the doctor.  Our roommate was there with his two small daughters.  They kept asking what was wrong as I was in a lot of pain.  But not too much……yet  HA HA

So, the doctors told us to drive to them which was 30 minutes away rather then straight to the hospital which was 10 minutes away.  I sometimes wonder about people’s thinking.  So, off to the doctors we go.  All I want to do at this point is sleep.  But those darn contractions will not let me.  We arrive at the doctors, and my sister-in-law Jennifer works there so she was very excited to see me.  As we were waiting in the waiting room, there was a couple there and the woman must have been about 7 months along.  I had a contraction and had to breath through it of course and when I was done, she asked me if I was in labor.   I politely said yes, but in my head I was thinking “Seriously, she is going to have a baby?!?!?!?!”  HA HA  In to the room we went.  I was measured and told I was only at 1 centimeter and to go home and walk and wait before I went to the hospital.  Now, maybe I was over reacting a little, however, under the circumstances I think I was allowed….LOL  I was like there is no way I am going home and walking.  This baby is coming.  Mind you this was around 2ish.  As I was getting off the table bed thingy, I had another contraction and nearly bit off my boyfriends shoulder.  The nurse new it was time for me to go to the hospital.  Smart thinking, I thought.

I finally got into a bed at the hospital around 3 and by then I was at 3 centimeters.  I was given morphine for my pain and it wasn’t until that moment that I felt weak and could not do this.  I had been having contractions all day a minute and a half apart and I was tired and I thought, I cannot do this.  I do not have the energy.  Then the adoptive parent’s arrived and I knew together we could do this.  The morphine helped with the pain a little.  But it wasn’t until the epidural that life began to seem great.  My dad was there and he watched them give me the epidural.  All things were possible now.  The doctors kept advising me to get some rest until it is time.  But now I felt great, I was excited and there was no way I could sleep.  I started to get hungry again.  I asked for food, they gave me ice chips.  What is up with that man…..LOL

Once I got to 7 centimeters I stopped dilating.  So, I was given betosin (no idea on the spelling) to help that along.  She arrived at 11:07pm.  It was such a wonderful day.  And the next day Bonnie and Liz brought me my fav…TACO BELL and a Belle Barbie Doll.  It was perfect!!!!!

Now when you look at the actual time, yes it seems like a very long labor.  But it actually seemed to fly by.   Well, thanks for reading my memory!

Random Writing

Do you ever hurt deep down to the core?
Do you ever feel like you are drowning, like your clothes are on and they are weighing you down?
Does someone important to you ever make your heart stop, and not for the right reasons?
Do you ever feel so alone because people would rather judge than listen and be there for you?
Do you ever feel you too need to listen more and judge less?
I have been this person.  I am this person more often than I would like to be.
You are not alone.  I am not alone.
It may sure feel like it, and you may need to cry your eyes out, that is OK.
I keep my head high even through all the pain.
It helps remind me that even in the dark, I am blessed for all I have and for what I don’t have.
It’s hard.  Life is hard.
All things worth it are.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Unplanned Pregnancy

Have you ever had one?  I have....In fact, I have had a few.  WOW, I am not looking too good, am I....LOL  Well, I was not sure how to start my very first "Ask Angela" Blog (which who knows if anyone will ever read).  I need to figure out how to make an About Me tab, which I will look into very soon.  Anyhoo, back to the topic.

As of this post, I am 32 years old.  Nothing will ever change from here on how many pregnancies I will have.  I had the ESSURE procedure done after my second son was born last year.  After you read this post, you will see why I needed something permanent.  That being said, this mama can no longer have any babies :)

To give you some back ground on me and the subject.  I became sexually active at the way too early age of 15.  I knew then that having sex with or without protection I could get pregnant or get a disease.  So, I tried to be extra careful, even at the dumb age of 15 thinking I was ready.  Man if I could go back and tell myself that sex that young was not meant to be, I would.  I mean it is painful and awkward and all around, you don't truly enjoy it until you are much older.  And then it is wonderful!  No offense to the first boys in my life.  I cannot imagine I was all that great either, although they say it is different for guys...who knows.  Back then, I told my first that if I become pregnant, I would either keep the baby or give the baby up.  I would not have an abortion (I will get back to that) and should I choose to keep the baby, I would not hold him accountable to finances unless he wanted to be that babies actual dad.  I did not want a child with a father who walks in and out of their lives.  And you know what, that 15 year old boy who I was dating, slept with me anyway.  WOW, we were some smart Freshmen :)  As for the abortion thing, I feel it is wrong.  And it was never an option for me as I knew I could never live with myself had I ever done that.  I do have friends that have done it and I have been there with them through the process.  Just because I personally think it is wrong, doesn't mean I think you are wrong, if that makes sense. I have been pregnant a total of 5 times, only one planned.  So here are my unplanned (and 1 planned) pregnancy stories.  Enjoy!

Let's see, accidental pregnancy numero 1~ I was 18, and it was a date rape (that is a whole other blog, so I will leave that at that).  The stress of it all ended in a miscarriage.  It was for the best and my only worry at that time was that maybe something is wrong with me and I may not be able to have children (that so was not the case).  The miscarriage happened very early on, in fact that is how I found out I was pregnant.  So, it was never an emotional attachment thing.  Yes, I was on birth control bills and the strongest ones.

Numero Dos~ 21 years old.  This is a good one that also will have to be in another blog in full detail.  My boyfriend and I at the time were not planning on a family.  I was late (on the pill as well, mind you, I never missed one, they were like a natural part of me, my life, just everything).  So, I picked up the test and he met me at my apartment.  I came out crying and he knew.  He had brought my favorite flower, the Yellow Rose.  He of course wanted me to have an abortion, which I re-told him, that will never be an option.  I was not ready, he was not ready, WE were not ready.  I have always dreamed of being a mother, I have a big family and I have been around children of all ages my whole life.  However, I did not want raise a child needing help.  I wanted my child to have everything they deserved.  Even though I ultimately made the decision, my boyfriend knew it was right.  We gave our daughter up for adoption to the most wonderful family ever.  Since I always knew this would be an option if I had an unplanned pregnancy, it was much easier than expected.  However, I know that God planned for me to have this baby for this family.  Another accident, turned out pretty darn great all around.

Three~I was 25 with my then boyfriend, now husband.  We we on a "break" as Friends would say....LOL  But we were trying to figure it out.  I was all sorts of a wreck and during this time and this time only, I had been forgetful on some pills.  I was honest, so we used condoms.  Still got pregnant.  We decided we would have the baby and we were planning to move to Colorado from California.  I turned out to have an ectopic pregnancy (where the baby is stuck in your tube) and it ruptured, I had an emergency surgery, lost 12 ounces of blood, half my left fallopian tube and the baby.  This was my first major surgery ever.  My mom was there freaking out and I could tell my then boyfriend was scared as well, more for me than the baby.  So up until the surgery, I stayed strong.  Just before I was put under, I lost it and balled to one of the nurses and just told her I was in utter shock at all that was happening.  The loss of the baby made me sad but I was OK with it.  We were not ready to start our family, but it was God's way of confirming that we were to work it out and we were to be together.  My only fear was that I would have trouble having children when we were ready...Again, not the case.

Four~ PLANNED!!!!!!!!!!!!  Finally.  And even with that, our first son had to actually be conceived one month before we were "technically" trying.  I swear, when it comes to babies, I cannot win....LOL  Although, he cause major problems and I had kidney issues and I was on pain meds the last part of my pregnancy.  I felt bad, but he turned out just fine.  Colicy, but fine :)

Fifth and Final~ Planned (3 years later than happened).  My son was 4 months old when our second son was conceived.  I was on birth control and taking them like clockwork.  When my son was 6 months, I was at a pre-op appointment for another kidney surgery and I had taken a pregnancy test.  It was positive, so no surgery.  I was in shock.  In fact my husband and I talked a lot about how we needed to wait 2-3 years before having our second child and he told me I was not allowed to come home and tell him I was pregnant before then.  He was half joking as we knew it would happen when it happen.  But no way were we thinking this soon.  We were not trying, in fact I wonder how it happened since I was always too tired to have sex.  I felt down right bad for my husband.  I was up a lot during the night with my son, I was back to working full time after 6 weeks.  I have to admit, I was a little scared to tell him.  More because once I told him, it was fore real REAL and I was a little afraid of that at that moment.  I walked in, told him I was pregnant, told him I was freaked out, left with my son, called my dad and went over to my mother-in-laws.  It took most the pregnancy to fully accept this new challenge.  I will be honest, it has been very hard having two boys just shy of 14 months apart, but man, I sure love them to death and I would not change anything about how it happened now.

You see now why I needed a permanent method of birth control :)  I am actually very happy with how it all turned out.

Since I am new to all this and I am just doing this more to get my stories out there in hopes that it can help anyone at all, I feel this has served it's purpose.  If you have questions on about things on my blogs or have things you would like to ask me and maybe I can help or just be there to talk it out with you, that is the goal.  You will learn so much about me as I write on.  I have always had a desire to tell my stories.  Most of them are not pretty, but I am a survivor and I am better for them even if at the time I did not think so.  Thank you for reading, help me with this.  And if anyone knows more about adding tabs before there is an "About Me" tab, help a sista out....HA HA

Night Night
Angela